While death is never an easy subject to talk about with children, perhaps an unfortunate opportunity will arise in which you will have to have this discussion. I remember a few weeks ago when a policeman was run down in the line of duty. My twelve-year-old daughter was nearby when my friend told of this policeman's death. He happened to be my friends cousin. Upon hearing about this tragic event, my daughter held me a little closer that night, and hugged her dad a little bit tighter that night. Olivia is blessed not to have had a loss that has affected her. She, perhaps for the first time, understood that we never know what the next day may bring.
Introduction: It's hard to say when this lesson will be appropriate. Perhaps after a child or a community has encountered a loss. I think it is important for children to know that it is okay to talk about the person who has died. Too often we feel uncomfortable or we don’t want to remind people of their loss so we don’t say anything. But of course they do remember their loss and often want to talk about it. They don’t want their loved one to be forgotten.
Children tend to have loving natures and can be a great comfort to a grieving person. Teaching our children to simply “be there” for a grieving person can be agreat gift to everyone and understanding how important "last words" are in our everyday lives.
This poem by Hope Anita Smith opens the door to a discussion about last words and words we didn't say.
Words
You never forget the last words. They stick with you
night and day.
It doesn't matter if the words were kind or had a
little bite.
You'll forever remember all the words you didn't say.
Words are a comfort, a sea of loving phrases. Jump in
and play.
It's important. Get the inflection of what was said
just right.
You never forget the last words. They stick with you
night and day.
Time will eat away at them. They'll get old. They'll start
to fray.
You hold on to them with both hands. Wrap each word
and hold it tight.
'Cause you'll forever remember all the words you didn't say.
Outside, the weather says December; your heart says
April, May.
Their words are always with you, walking around your
heart in white.
You never forget the last words. They stick with you
night and day.
Open up your mouth. Make sounds come out. You have
to find a way.
So make a list. "I love you." "Sorry." And of course,
"Good night."
You never forget the last words. They stick with you night
and day.
And you'll forever remember the words you didn't say.
Extension: *These are just suggestions and are offered as a follow-up sharing sessions. Discuss what the students think this poem is about and what made an impression upon them. Let students share different circumstances where they may have left "last words" they wish they hadn't. Share traditions within their own families, such as a hug before leaving for school, good night rituals, or never going to bed angry. Discuss how it might be nice to practice thinking before speaking. Follow up in a week or two and see if students made any changes in how they respond to others.
Smith, Hope Anita. 2009. Mother Poems. New York. Henry Holt and Company.
Photo courtesy of http://www.alibris.com/.
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